That Drifting Poo Was Far Too Symbolic! It's the Television Disappointments of the Year.
As we consider the TV landscape of the past year, a selection of series stand out not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular failures. From awkward sequels to confusingly bad docuseries, here are the productions that had us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
Where to begin with this love/hate spin-off? Plagued with woeful writing, painful character development (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show struggled to justify its existence. For a moment, as the third season started, it looked like it had finally found its groove. Then arrived an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator announced this would be the final series. It ended on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s loo full of poo was simply too on-the-nose. Yet, fans certainly found joy dissecting every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a small sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was practically the smallest of this show's issues. The recipient of a very rare no-star assessment, it was hard to know where to start listing the flaws. The laughably leaden dialogue? The mind-numbing veneration of wealth and consumption? The seemingly deliberate parade of tropes? Acting so bad they felt almost malicious? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and forget about this show again. Except, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.
AKA Charlie Sheen
Given the restraining orders, abuse allegations and parental shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d truly have known it from this three-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless hedonism while failing to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any sympathy this show might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charming but dismissive egotist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Of course we understood it was ridiculous from the outset: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.
The Gangster Drama
Shady figures meeting in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.
Actually, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to indulge unconvincing dialects. But there were many other problems. Primarily that it was just profoundly boring; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various London rogues which felt rather simplistic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Considering the degree to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s performatively enraged commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint lifestyle as intentional provocations. But then you view them and are forced to concede that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue come to life; a poster for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark platitudes and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by immense, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.
The Beckham Documentary
There are clearly fascinating things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, identity, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this documentary series opted not to explore them. Instead, the viewing was like consuming a marketing catalogue. She clearly has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any helps with this cagey non-event of a series.
The Game Show
It should have been the next big hit – except even camper, with a famous star playing dead and a well-known personality managing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too complicated to explain what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up smelling of a programme that was straining desperately to emulate something way beyond it.
Too Much
How does one succeed a show that defined a generation? The expectation was immense for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity friends involved felt icky.
Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping
Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the smart recruitment of talented younger comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke milked to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be handled with care. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lumbering from strangely jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Absolutely.
Prime Target
We love the star … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could destabilise society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services spying on – and eliminating – academics honestly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This uncritical portrait followed the content creator renowned for sexual exploits as she undertook her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was way more examination of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who showed up to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and zero interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.
